The 6 Freakiest Apartment Listings We Could Find
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The 6 Freakiest Apartment Listings We Could Find

Rachel Bell
 posted on 

If you’ve ever looked for an apartment online you probably know what you can expect to see in this list. Unlike Craigslist (shade), we work hard to keep bullshit listings off of our site. The awful ones in this list are only the ones I could find that we let stay online; I would love to show you all the ones we’ve had to take down. Just to give you an idea of what we deal with, here are the titles of some listings we’ve removed:

  • Free Room 4 Submissive Girl Who Wants To Be Treated Like A Queen
  • Looking for a girlfriend who loves to get money
  • NICEST GUY ON THE PLANET IS LOOKING FOR NUDIST ROOMMATE
  • THE BIGGER YOUR COCK THE SMALLER YOUR RENT WILL BE

On that note, here are the worst listings I could find that you can still view on our site. You’re welcome.

Perfect for Instagram Models!

This apartment listing is a real gem. The man who wrote it mentions that any “ladies/hotties” who choose to move in to his “bachelor pad” will have “full home privileges,” which is, frankly, so kind of him. If the description isn’t awful enough on it’s own (he even mentions that he would prefer women of specific races), the pictures really complete it. The bachelor looking for companionship sleeps on an air mattress and has random papers strewn across the floor. The back yard that he mentions in the description is shown, and is a jungle of overgrown weeds and includes an old, rusty backboard without it’s basketball hoop. Incredible!

Welcome to my Sexy environment…

Something about the use of “…” in this listing seems vaguely threatening. The description leaves a lot to the imagination, but does mention that anyone who rents the room will also receive juice, fruits and “coffee,tee,” which is nice. The pictures are really where it becomes startling. Animal print is heavily featured in the decor - zebra, cheetah, leopard, it’s all over. The bedroom is adorned with black and white prints of conventionally attractive stock photo models touching each other in weird, intimate ways. And of course, there’s a lava lamp and a shower head that lights up purple with LED lights.

The Force is Strong With This One

Okay, I need to start by saying that this apartment actually seems really nice. Exposed brick, roof deck, good neighborhood, it’s a good spot. Unfortunately, the person who wrote the description sounds like a 46 year old Star Wars nerd trying to appeal to the younger crowd by using misguided slang. The juxtaposition of “lit,” “fam,” “dope,” and 5 (yes, FIVE) Star Wars references is alarming and confusing.

We attend church but we are not religious

At first glance, this place doesn’t seem bad. Then you see how long the description is and the rules within it. The person renting the extra room must be a woman over the age of 24. She must be “clean,” and is not allowed to use a vape or smoke hookah. She can not have guests over. Then, once you make it through almost the entire of wall of text and start to think, “Well, it's not that bad...,” the lister mentions that “when it gets very cold, we really have to get bundled up because we are health advocates and do not use the heater.” Two things: What? And count me out.

Must have your own futon or blow up mattress

The first thing I thought when I saw this listing was, “Great, another person renting out their living room as a bedroom. My next thought, when I saw the pictures, was, “That looks…hairy.” My suspicions were confirmed by the description: “I have 2 cats and a dog. So yes there is a pet hair situation lol.” It gets better. “Also one of my cats is kind of a bitch just an FYI lol!!” She seems chill, so of course she has to mention that she’s 420 friendly. And she would prefer someone who only uses the house to sleep and bathe, “but hopefully you’re not a douche.”

Rent my living room in trade for house cleaning, in a sexy outfit, 2-3 times a week

This gentleman is kindly offering his living room to a woman “in need” at the incomparable price of $1 a month. All you have to do is clean his house in the outfit of his choosing 3 times a week! If that information alone confuses you, take a look at the photos. The listing photos are some tennis shoes on the floor, an incredibly pixelated image of a shirtless man with the head cropped out, and a digital drawing of a man in a cloak smoking a pipe. Mysterious guys are so sexy.

Honorable mentions:

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